Sorry, but you need to stop apologising – and let go of the cautious language habits that might be quietly holding you back in your career.
Whether it’s starting every sentence with “sorry, but…” or constantly softening your opinions with “just” and “maybe,” this kind of language, while well-intentioned, can undermine your efforts.
Apologetic language at work doesn’t always sound like a problem, but over time, it can affect how others see you and how you see yourself. If you’re leaning on apologetic and uncertain phrasing out of habit, you could be holding yourself back from career opportunities, recognition, or the chance to make a stronger impression.
I know, because I do it all the time.
This year, I’m trying to change that. And for me, someone with people-pleasing tendencies and a firm belief that chairs deserve apologies, it starts with language.
The things I caught myself saying this week.
Apologetic language at work often slips in unnoticed, until you see it written down:
- “Oh, sorry let me get that for you.”
- “I didn’t really do much.”
- “I’m sorry, but can I ask I quick question.”
- “Maybe I’m wrong, but I don’t think…”
- “This might be a silly idea, but…”
All of them meant well but none of them helped. So here’s what I could have said instead:
- “Here, let me get that for you.”
- “I worked really hard to achieve that.”
- “If you have a moment, I would really appreciate your insight on….”
- “From my perspective, it has the potential to really benefit from…”
- “How about if we approach it from a different angle, we could try…”
It’s not revolutionary, but it is direct, confident and less apologetic.
Why your words matter.
It might be classic British politeness, it might be because I’m shy, or it might just be good manners turning toxic, but I walked into a chair last week and apologised to it.
Over time, apologetic language at work can chip away at your confidence and subtly shape how others see you, particularly in professional environments, such as interviews, where making a good first impression is crucial.
The words you choose carry weight. Whether you’re writing a CV, answering interview questions, or advocating for yourself in general, your language holds the power to either sell or shrink your skills.
For example, do you know how much impact an application can have when it mirrors the role profile? Even if the application isn’t being marked by software, that small difference of using confident, aligned language subconsciously reinforces your suitability for the role by showing that you speak the same language as the employer, both literally and figuratively.
When you state that you “helped support projects”, you instantly position yourself as a supporting character. If you state that you’ve “led successful projects and achieved XYZ”, you instantly become the main character.
Employers aren’t looking for perfection, but they are looking for clarity, capability and confidence, so please stop underselling yourself.
How to shift from passive to active language.
Start small. Even if you pick one word or phrase you catch yourself using often, like “sorry” or “I think maybe…”, and try consciously reframing it when speaking or writing.
For example, instead of saying, “I just had a quick thought,” try, “Here’s something I’ve been thinking about.” One signals hesitation, while the other signals confidence.
Over time, this shift away from apologetic language at work will start to feel more natural, and your words will reflect your capability, not your hesitation. It’s a subtle change, but it can make a noticeable difference in how others respond to you… and how you see yourself.
Final food for thought.
This is my personal opinion so apologies if you disagree I appreciate some may feel differently. But if you speak to yourself in a way you’d never speak to someone else — constantly questioning, deflating or hedging — it’s worth asking what that’s doing to your confidence over time.
Shifting how you speak to yourself is just as important as changing the language you use at work. They feed into each other.
Polly Mortimer is a Senior Consultant specialising in helping people find roles where they can thrive. She specialises in appointing leaders to awarding bodies and skills organisations, with a clear focus on matching the right person to the right role.
